


The Suburbs

by MulaSaWala



Category: The Boondocks
Genre: Angst, Big Brothers, Bromance, Brotherly Love, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Dead Parents, Drabble Collection, First Time, Fluff, Gen, I'm Bad At Tagging, Little Brothers, M/M, Masturbation, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sexual Content, Sibling Incest, Underage Sex, Vignette, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-29
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-01-06 15:06:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1108293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MulaSaWala/pseuds/MulaSaWala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The further adventures of Huey and Riley in the warm lap of Suburbia. Mostly drabbles, some AUs. They don't all take place in the same universe, so yeah. Some of them will be crossovers. Some of them contain incest and other potentially offensive things. If something strikes me as particularly offensive, there will be a warning.</p><p>And also the word ‘nigga’ in all its varied spelling permutations. But you already knew that, because this is the Boondocks.<br/>Peace.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> check out my [tumblr!](mulasawala.tumblr.com)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Features Smiling, Parenting, Birthdays, Moving, Listening, and Happiness.

**Smiling**

Huey never smiles. At least, no one in Woodcrest has ever claimed to see it. The only one who remembers what it looks like is Riley, and Riley don’t snitch. 

When Huey smirks at him after a beatdown, or when him actually listening to Huey brings a half-smile to his older brother’s face, Riley doesn’t say a word. No one knows that half the stupid shit he does is to get Huey to smile (kidnapping Oprah would have been fun if Huey could pull his head out of his ass for more than five seconds), and it’s going to stay that way, capische nigga? 

**Parenting**

Over the years, Riley must have asked Granddad about his and Huey’s parents over a dozen times. Each time he got a different answer. 

“You don’t have parents; I picked you and Huey from a grape tree.” 

“They were kidnapped by the CIA.” 

“They went on a hot air balloon that got away.” 

“They’re on a super-secret mission to Mars.” 

Riley wasn’t a nerd like Huey, but he wasn’t stupid neither. He could tell when someone was bullshitting him, and his Granddad was a big old bag of fertilizer. Eventually, he figured that it didn’t really matter, knaamean? Not knowing gave him some angst, would make his raps more _real_ when he finally got around to writing them. 

**Birthdays**

Huey was not unaware of the fact that Riley wanted to know what had happened to their parents. Using his impressive google-fu, Huey had found out what had happened long ago. It wasn’t anything special. 

Eight years ago, a woman had died due to complications during childbirth. It could have been prevented with a C-section, but hospitals tended to not do expensive procedures for the uninsured. Her son survived. Her husband sued the hospital, but delaying tactics drew the case out for years. 

Almost two years after the death of his wife, the man was awarded a large cash settlement out of court to prevent further bad publicity. The man hanged himself soon after. 

It was interesting enough to have earned a small piece in the local paper because it was their four year old son who called the authorities to take the body away a full day after the fact. When the paramedics turned their backs for a minute, the son and his just turned two years old brother were gone, with a note written neatly in crayon claiming they were going to their grandfather. It _should_ have been an amber alert level shit storm, but the kids were black, so it was a small article in the local paper instead. It was this article that Huey would find years later. 

It wasn’t anything special. It also wasn’t something Huey would ever tell Riley. 

**Moving**

Huey would never admit it, but he’s glad that Granddad moved them out to Woodcrest, theories on taming white men with cheese aside. He’s… mellower out here. Being out here gave him time to put his thoughts in order. He retired, and concentrated his efforts on his family. On how they were going to survive the end when it came. 

Being out here was okay. He was farther from the struggle, but that was acceptable because Riley was also farther from legit gangbangers (Ed and Rummy were the closest thing to, out here), and closer to where Huey could keep an eye on him. Granddad’s friends were tolerable (He likes Mr. Dubois, at least), and best of all, the lower population density guaranteed that there were fewer dumbasses around him. 

**Listening**

Riley listens to Huey _just enough_. Which is really more than anyone else could say. Huey is not sure if he should thank Riley or the other way around. 

Considering that bulletproof vest saved Riley’s life, he’s leaning towards the latter. 

**Happiness**

No one would call Huey a happy child. He had watched that documentary about Obama after it came out, and though he stands by his “Eh.”, he resented being called depressing. He wasn’t sad. He was…melancholy. Brooding. He rather valued his broodiness. It used to be a personality trait one was allowed to have. Now everybody wanted you to smile and say things like “Great!”. 

Man, _fuck_ that noise. Right now he was being _cheerful_. If he wasn’t, he would have already blown everything up and killed himself. He knew what was just around the corner. The darkest days were yet to come. And if he wasn’t such a goddamned _optimist_ , he would be insane by now. 

As it was, the only thing keeping him in North America was Riley and Granddad. That and the fact that he couldn’t get a ride out. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Features Glass, and First Time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is almost completely Freecest, which means I assume and/or establish a romantic relationship between the Freeman Brothers, Huey and RIley.

**Glass** (Free-cest AU) 

Theirs is a love that lives in a glass house with locked doors. A love whose name they did not speak. People knew, they _knew_ , but they didn’t talk about it. The boys weren’t good at keeping it secret. Riley had too much pride, and Huey was never ashamed. Granddad seemed to be the only one who didn’t know. It was better that way. 

**First Time** (Freecest AU) 

“I want to touch you.”  


As far as non sequiturs went, that was enough to raise both of Huey’s perpetually furrowed eyebrows. Huey was in the middle of getting ready for bed, clad only in his pyjama bottoms, but the statement was enough to stop him dead in his tracks. Riley wasn’t done. 

“I want to touch you, but I don’t know how.” 

Riley’s hands were clenched at his sides, and Huey could tell how much he wanted to look away by how determinedly he kept eye contact. Riley was breathing hard, like he just ran a marathon, and he was sweating like a sinner in church. 

Truthfully, Huey’s not surprised. He’s very observant, and Riley has never been subtle. There had been looks, intentional and unnecessary nearness, just _signs_ that Riley telegraphed pretty well, and Huey was almost glad that Riley had finally made his decision. 

Huey placed the still folded shirt he had in his hands on the table and took a step towards his brother. He watched Riley take a step back. Did he think Huey was going to hit him for this? Judging by the flinch when Huey brought a hand up to Riley’s cheek, it seemed so. If this had been an actual surprise, Huey would have been, for perhaps the first time in his life, honestly speechless. But he wasn’t; he was prepared. 

“I’m going to bed now,” He said slowly. And softly. 

“I’m going to turn off the lights and lie down. Anything you do, whatever happens then, in the dark,” Huey paused, and swallowed. When did his throat get so dry? 

“Everything stays between us. Okay? ” 

Huey didn’t really expect a response. At least, not right away. He turned away and did what he said he would. Soon the only light in the room was the harsh yellow glare of the streetlamp outside, blending with the softer, understated light from the moon. 

Huey settled under his covers, breathing deliberately even. Huey was half hoping that Riley would lie down on his own bed. Then they could pretend this never happened. Their lives would be so much simpler. Huey crushed the desolation that rose up in his chest at the notion with logic and reason and sensibleness. But almost before he could complete the thought, the bed dipped beside him, and there was an exhalation at near his ear, part sigh and part groan. 

“Okay.” 

Riley ran his lips, his ridiculously expressive and surprisingly soft lips, along Huey’s jaw and down his neck. A rough hand squeezed Huey’s shoulder. That same hand travelled down to his bare chest, drawing a sharp gasp from Huey before moseying down a toned stomach. Riley paused before tentatively cupping Huey’s already hard cock through his pants. 

Huey was a deep breath away from turning and pressing his lips against his little brother’s, but it was almost as if Riley knew. He moved away, crossing the space between their beds in a half stumble before falling onto his own bed. As Riley shuffled around to get under the covers, Huey tried to decide whether his heart or his cock ached more. 

“’Night, Huey.” The words travelled across the still air. 

Huey clenched his teeth, and wanted to slap his brother upside the head for doing things halfway. Riley stopped messing with his covers and barely waited for them to settle before shoving a hand down his sleeping shorts. Soon the unmistakable sound of Riley jacking off filled the room. Between the lewd noises coming from his brother and his own aching cock, Huey felt his cheeks heat up. 

Snaking his own hand under his pyjama bottoms, Huey let out a breath as he squeezed hard and stroked. He pinched his nipple with his free hand, rubbing it to soothe away the sting. Obscene sounds continued to fill the room and Huey shook, stroking faster. He hear rustling coming from the other bed and looked over before he could think about it. Riley appeared to have gotten too hot under his blanket, and had kicked his covers as well as his shorts down to his feet. 

Huey raked his eyes over his little brother’s body, noting the light sheen of sweat, gaze lingering at Riley’s groin, where his hand continued to move. When Huey finally made it to Riley’s face, Riley was staring right at him. Suddenly Huey was too warm as well. He sat up and folded his covers down to the foot of his bed. He shucked off his pants and laid back down on his bed. Huey wasn’t used to being this exposed in front of another person. 

Riley seemed unperturbed, humming appreciatively at Huey’s exposed skin. Huey put his hands back to where they were and soon the two of them were both stroking hard and fast. Huey remembered the feeling of that rough hand on his body, those lips on his neck, the breath on his ear as Riley whispered. 

“I’m coming.” 

Huey came hard enough to see spots, his stomach clenching and his hips bucking. Over on the other bed, he heard Riley come as well. Huey stayed that way for a while, shaking, cum on his hand, his stomach, there was even a little bit on his chest. He waited for his breath to even out before he got up and put on his bathrobe to get a moist washcloth from the bathroom. 

Huey splashed some water on his face and cleaned himself up before returning to his room. To their room. The room he shared with his brother. With his little brother. 

Huey decided to do his thinking tomorrow. 

Huey returned with the washcloth. He sat down beside a sleeping Riley and wiped the cum off his hand, his cock, his torso. Huey leaned down to place a light kiss on Riley’s forehead before tossing the cloth into his dirty laundry hamper and making his way to his own bed. 

This wasn’t what Huey thought this night would be. But it was a beginning. The opening of a door. The crossing of a threshold that they couldn’t take back. In the darkness of the room, Huey smiled. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. Huey seems a bit OOC to me. Is he too, I dunno, tender? He's never handled Riley with kid gloves before. I'm going justify it as endorphins or something, because reasons. A more In Character Huey would have tossed that towel at Riley's face. Or something. Just be glad I didn't put them in the same bed at the end, okay? I feel like acknowledging their mutual attraction was a huge enough step. They're not going to turn into an old married couple over night. You're thinking Robert and Ruckus. (Lol, jk)
> 
> So, basically, I'm at a place where I'm, like, this could have been better, but it also could have been worse. The point is that it's good enough for me. 
> 
> Anyway. Cheers.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Features Pretty, Stone Wall, Rose, and Bang.

**Pretty**

Jazmine wishes her hair was more like Cindy’s, the color of spun gold, and soft as silk. C-mer begs to differ. Jaz’s hair is so pretty, like a big fluffy cloud, but more with presence. Cindy wishes she could crawl inside it, snug as a bug in a rug. 

**Stone Wall**

Huey did not understand how his brother fought. Huey operated with the idea that more sweat shed during training meant less blood bled during battle. Riley was quick and clever, but didn’t capitalize on his skills. It wasn’t logical. Without training, Riley wouldn’t get better, and he would keep going down. But Huey has never seen anyone get back up the same way his brother did, and maybe that was enough. 

**Rose**

A 6 year old Huey looked down at the paper in his hand. Riley’s preschool teacher had given it to him, with clear instructions that it be given to Granddad so he could discipline Riley. Beside him clutching his hand was a 3 year old Riley, keeping careful track of a rock he was kicking home. 

“Riley,” Huey began, tugging on his little brother’s hand to get his attention. 

“Hmm?” Riley stopped walking and looked up at his big brother. 

“Hey, why did you write _‘Niggur’_ on your paper? You making fun of your teacher? You should know, you spelled it wrong. ” 

Huey could understand, honestly. Both the insult and the spelling error. All of Huey’s _own_ teachers were _idiots_. Riley looked at Huey like _he_ was stupid, which was a pretty sophisticated look for a three year old, so Huey was proud enough to let it slide. 

“Thas my _name_ , Huey.” Riley pointed to a scribble near the edge of the page. It looked like it was supposed to be a face. “I drawed where I ain’t s’pposed to, s’why I gots in trouble.” 

Huey searched his brother’s face, looking for signs of deceit. But Riley’s face was only mildly resentful, which Huey knew was directed at Riley’s teacher, not him. 

“Riley. Your name is Riley.” Huey stated, and started walking again. Riley shook his head. 

“Nigga.” Riley pouted. Huey could suddenly understand Mr. Jamal’s mistake. 

“Your name isn’t Nigga, Riley.” 

“Granddad calls me Nigga. You don’ remember ‘cause yo’ stupid.” 

“Your name isn’t Nigga. Granddad calls me Nigga too, remember?” 

Huey cast a sidelong glance at his brother. The rock was forgotten as Riley pondered this new development. 

“But Granddad calls me Nigga. How’s I s’pposed to ‘member my name if Granddad says my name is Nigga?” 

“He’s not saying your name is Nigga, Riley. Nigga is a bastardization of a derogatory term for an African American person that some argue has been reappropriated by the Black Community, or at least a part of it, for reverse discourse and empowerment purposes, and perhaps to create an exclusionary environment that would allow the community to develop its own identity with no input from the white supremacist power structure in accordance to anti-assimilationist ideals.” 

At Riley’s blank look, Huey could tell that Riley got exactly none of that. He sighed. Huey stopped and knelt in front of Riley, placing his hands on Riley’s shoulder for emphasis, and to make sure Riley was paying attention. 

“You just listen to me, okay? I’m always going to call you Riley, so you can remember that’s your name. Okay?” 

Riley nodded, satisfied. Huey stuck out a fist with its little finger extended, to solidify the promise the way he’d seen other kids Riley’s age do, and it was a sign of Huey’s sincerity that he was ready to participate in something so saccharine, but Riley spat on his own hand and held it out to Huey instead. Huey looked at it for a minute before he got up and started walking again, Riley falling into step beside him, hand still up. 

“I’m not touching that.” 

“What?! Huey, you promised!” 

“I promised to call you Riley, not to subject myself to your bodily fluids.” 

“How I know you go’n’ keep yo’ promise of our spits ain’t touching?” 

Huey sighed and spat. 

“Eeew! YOU SPIT ON ME!” 

“I spat on your hand. You said—” 

“You s’pposed to spit on yo’ _own_ hand! This is gross!” 

Huey rolled his eyes and used Riley’s test paper to scrape off as much saliva from Riley’s hand as he could. He crumpled the paper and threw it away as Riley wiped the rest of it off on his pants. Huey deemed that acceptable and took Riley’s hand so they could cross the street. 

“Hey, where’s my rock?” 

**Bang**

The morning after the first time someone breaks into their house in Chicago, Granddad buys a shotgun. It’s a testament to how shaken up Huey was that he didn’t object. He had been up reading when he heard the window rattling in the middle of the night, loud enough to penetrate Granddad’s snores coming from the next room. He hurriedly turned off the light and crawled into bed with Riley. 

Voices started to carry up the stairs. Huey assumed a minimum of two intruders, possibly armed. He considered them against an unarmed old man and one kid (because there was no way Riley was leaving this room.). 

Loathe as he was to allow injustice to happen in the next room, the course of action that offered the highest chance of survival was to keep silent. He wanted to burst into the next room, fists swinging. But instead he held his brother tight and waited for the voices to leave. It felt like hours. 

In the morning, their living room was stripped. No TV, no sofa, nothing. Even the refrigerator, apparently small enough to carry, was gone. Granddad stomped around and cursed and generally had a heart attack, and Riley was loudly annoyed that he didn’t wake up in time to defend his turf, so now he was missing his Saturday morning cartoons. Huey kept quiet, his antipathy for his powerlessness eating away at him privately. 

So Granddad buys his shotgun, and Huey takes Riley with him when he picks out realistic enough pellet guns for the two of them. It’s not much, but it’s something. 

They leave inner city Chicago and move to Woodcrest after the fourth time they get robbed. By this time, Huey is used to it, and is sorry to go. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bang was actually inspired by the idea that Huey and Riley used to sleep in the same bed when they were littler. It made me think that maybe they didn't always live in the luxury they live in now, and that they lived in a bad neighborhood, blahblahblah. 
> 
> Also, I wondered why they had so many realistic pellet guns. Since Granddad was surprised to see one in The Garden Party, I had to assume that he didn't buy them. aaaaand I've over-analyzed the crap out of it. 
> 
> Peace.


	4. Indefinite Hiatus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, I think I've accepted that I may never get around to writing the rest of the drabbles I had planned for this fandom, so I'm just going to post them raw, for anyone to take up, and also for safety because I might lose them.
> 
> (I wrote these years ago, so I'd like to think I've improved since then, but probably not. :P)

 

  1. Huey gets invited to the Kumite when the council hears that Luna died at his house and assumes that Huey was the one who killed her.    



 

  1. Huey never smiles. At least, no one's ever seen it. (imagine a kakashi-type situation). The only one who can sort of remember what it looked like is Riley, and Riley don't snitch. Secretly though, half the stupid shit he does is to try and see it again.  



 

  1.  Over the years, Riley has asked where his and Huey's parents are several times. Grandad has had a different answer each time. The tragic one where they die. The Hey Arnold type one. Anyway, he should have asked Huey. Although Huey wouldn't have told him anyway. Using his google-fu, Huey found out long ago. It wasn't anything special. Their mom died due to complications during childbirth. Their dad killed himself 2 years later. The one who found his body was a four year old Huey, which got it a small news article in a small newspaper.  



 

  1.  Huey would never admit it, but he's glad that Granddad moved them out to the suburbs. He's... mellower out here, and it gave him time to put his thoughts in order. He retired, and concentrated his efforts on his family. Impulsive Riley is farther away from legit gangbangers and closer to where Huey can keep an eye on him. Granddad's friends are ok (he likes Mr. Dubois at least). And there are fewer people around, which means fewer dumbasses around him.  



 

  1. Riley listens to Huey just enough. Which is really more than anyone else can say. Huey is not sure if he should thank Riley or the other way around.  



 

  1. No one would call Huey a happy child, but what no one knows is that he is profoundly optimistic. If he weren't, knowing what he does, he would have killed himself long ago. Or at least gone insane. As it is, the only thing keeping him in America is his family.



 

  1. Free-cest AU. Huey is taller and older (and he can kick Riley's ass no problem), but despite this (perhaps because of it) Riley tops. Huey is the one who teaches him how, and holds his hand every step of the way, but Riley tops.  



 

  1. Huey is a glass cannon lightning bruiser, while Riley is a stone wall.  (see TVTropes)



 

  1. Huey is terrible at video games. When he starts winning, he gets cocky and makes a bet. But it turns out Riley was hustling him. He ends up going out in public with a vibrator inside him and the remote in Riley's hands. It's hot, but he's pretty sure he's going to kill Riley after this.  



 

  1. Free-cest AU. Fluffy Toyship anecdote on how Riley learns that his name is not 'nigga'. Include Huey promising to never call him that.  



 

  1. Fast forward 10 years later. Huey is in a jungle somewhere in Latin America fighting for justice ( a la Leo "The Ghost" in TMNT), while Riley is a pretty successfull gangbanger/artist in the USA.  



 

  1. Huey teams up with Ed an Rummy to save Riley when he's taken by the White Shadow. It's quite frankly terrifying, and it means a permanent hands off from Huey's family, or anything else that could get them to team up again. Huey's planning skills, coupled with Rummy's ability to do simple tasks and Ed's ability to get away with anything, is DANGEROUS.  



 

  1. Riley may piss him off all the time, but if you fuck with him (too much), Huey will come and mess you up 50 ways to Sunday and then some.



 

  1. Jazmine invites Huey, Riley, and Cindy over for movies and a sleepover. Of course the police get involved.



 

  1. Future, prison AU, Free-cest. Huey is imprisoned on false charges, to keep him from returning to his life as a "domestic terrorist". Gangbanger Riley turns himself in to accompany his brother. Riley is good at protection. While Huey is a pretty good fighter, he's not invincible, and Riley being there helps him sleep at night. In turn, Huey seems especially good at settling beefs between guards and prisoners (when he's not the one instigating). It's really only a matter of time before they get out. At this point they're not even really prisoners anymore, they're just chillin' in there until they feel like getting off their asses.  



 

  1. Episode coda: Granddad was gone for more than 2 weeks during 'Pause'. This was a full year after 'Home Alone', so the boys do just fine. It was mostly because Granddad didn't leave because of them, which kept their abandonment issues at bay (although Riley was worried that first night that he may have gone too far with that no homo shit), and because Riley thought that buying shit with quarters was embarrassing ("Fuck, what am I, homeless?!"), while Huey didn't care about it one way or another, so the money stayed safe in his locked desk and he kept the both of them fed and alive well enough. Huey and Riley had both learned to cook since 'The Invasion of the Katrinians'.  Huey did most of the work though, and that's why he fell asleep almost immediately after granddad's play. They were also too busy worrying about Granddad to get in each other's hair too much. Also, after 'The Hunger Strike", Huey was much better at compromise, and after 'The Fundraiser', Riley listened to Huey more.    



 

  1. Future AU. Huey is a "dictator" now, running a successful socialist country off the ivory coast. Gangbanger!Cindy asks UnderworldBoss!Riley why he won't just move there, since life there would be sweet, especially since he was the brother of the dictator. That sounded like a good deal, dictator was like a half-step away from being royalty or a god, right? People would be lining up to kiss his ass and stuff, right? But Riley is like, hell no. It was a good vacation spot, but he's not going to live in that pansy-ass hippie commune for the rest of his life, with its ex-cons but no criminal underworld. buuuut, when he needs a somebitch disappeared but don't want hassle with the fuzz for murder, he sends them there. They never do come back, but always send enough pictures to their families reassure people that they're alive. More often than not, they bring their families over, and Riley gets to fill the power vacuum they leave behind. Insert a part where Riley sometimes goes there to make sure Huey's not working himself to death, even if all that peace and tranquility is boring and sucks major ass. Insert another part where Jazmine asks Riley if he's making things bad over here to make Huey's dictatorship more appealing. Also, Granddad hangs there. None of the crazy women he finds to date on the internet there are murderous, at least. Just nuts.



 

  1. In 'The Booty Warrior', Huey and Riley were supposedly brawling with 5 other boys, but brawling with kids didn't really sound like something Huey would do. The full story behind that is actually something like this. Crazy One Punch Butch Magnus Milosovich was trying to jack Young Rheezi again, and while Riley was holding his own this time, 5 against 1 wasn't really fair. The extended fight draws attention, so Huey comes to see what was going on. When he sees a bunch of punk ass bitches beating on his little brother, he's all like, hell naw. Not a lot of people know this, but he has two berserk buttons. People laughing at him, and someone other than himself giving Riley too hard a time. So anyway, he jumps in and delivers a quick beatdown. It is at this point that the principal comes in and gets in the way. He doesn't argue self-defense or anything at the principal's office because he jumped into the fight knowing this is what would happen and he did it anyway to protect Riley. No regrets, nigga.  



 

  1. In which Riley asks if Huey is into some wierd voodoo shit, because everyone who gives him a bad beatdown seems to die (Luna, Bushido Brown, The Hateocracy, Stinkmeaner, etc) or go to jail, or hell.  



 

  1. In which Huey has to mow the lawn by himself again, and Riley makes it up to him. With sexytimes. Yeeeaaaah.



 

  1. Jimmy Rebel, looking for Ruckus, goes over to the Freemans, this nigger family that Ruckus finds the least objectionable. He runs into Huey and Riley, and wonders at the fact that they're related. Huey wants to interview him in order to write a paper about nigger synthesis apparently occurring with white men in isolation. Also, he congratulates Jim on being brave enough to shift paradigms so late in life. He's still a (insert five minutes of cursing here), but at least he's not being stupid about it. Riley wants to know if Racist Records will distribute his songs if they are "racist against White People". He don't believe none of that crap but he needs to make the paper stacks, knaamean?    



 

  1. Post-Apocalypse AU. Huey is making his new post-apocalyptic survival plan. He's making room for the Dubois family now (and getting funds from them), as well as Ruckus, Thugnificent, Leonard, and Granddad's random woman. It's hard work, and he wonders if he should bother this time. Murphy's law DOES state that whatever plan he makes, something was going to fuck it up. but then Granddad lets him build a small shed for his survivalist crap in their HUGE backyard, and Riley promises to read the plan this time if he at least puts some pictures in it. They're trying, and that's enough. The comic seems to be set near some nature (like Calvin and Hobbes) so Huey wants to make a tunnel to a cave because he knows the Woodcrest militia will be back at their door when the next crisis comes. Huey's having some trouble with the resources he has available, and then Riley tells Ed and Rummy about it, so Huey has to add 2 more fucking people to the plan, which sucks. But it turns out that including those two gives him a lot more funds at least, so it's cool. He's making a plan for 11 people now, so he makes it an even dozen for symmetry and just in case and really gets to work on it. Being retired is really boring, okay?!



 

  1. Zombie Apocalypse AU. Full stop.  Huey is the leader (of course), but Riley ends up being their Glenn, which sucks, because if Huey were a little more corrupt, he would give the job to someone else to keep Riley safe.  



 

  1. Granddad tells them that he's proud of them for not destroying the house and surviving two weeks without him. Huey tells him that it was more effort than it was worth to keep Riley alive and a functioning human being, and Riley complains that Huey was even more of a pussy ass bitch than usual without Granddad around. Translation: we missed you, don't leave again. P.s. If you do, we'll mess up the house fo' real.  



 

  1. The Freemans get a dog to go with their white picket fence?



 

  1. Granddad lures the White Shadow agent into the house and traps him their because he wants to go to the movies and needs someone to babysit. Huey is too pissed to do anything destructive, Riley is too amused to do anything destructive, so he and the agent just play video games while Huey goes up to his room to brood.  



 

  1. Zombie apocalypse AU. They survive for almost a year, meeting stragglers along the way (Cindy, Cesar, Ming who was abandoned in the US and left to fend for herself after losing to Huey), but then the White Shadow shows up. They've been searching for Huey, they need his skills. However, he won't leave everyone. What happens is they fit the most vulnerable into the transport, and They'll be back to pick up the rest of them in a month.  



 

  1. The ones left behind think it'll be easy to survive since the vulnerable were gone, and the White Shadow had given them some more survival gear, but the helicopter attracted a herd of zombies, so they have to try to get to the military base by themselves, because staying would have zombies over run them, and they had no way to contact the white shadows to arrange another rendezvous point.  



 

  1. Riley comes out to Ed and Rummy. They're cooler about it than Thugnificent was, which makes Huey look at them with new respect. Which is to say, he actually found some for them. They're still really dumb motherfuckers, but at least they're not bigots about this?



 

  1. I just really want a scene where Huey goes Big Brother Templar when someone flips up Riley's skirt. also a fic of the opposite happening. Lol, Huey would be all calm and and like, so what? And Riley would just go abso-fucking-lutely nuts.  



 

  1. Huey knows he lives in a small pocket of insanity within a larger rational universe.This is why his worst nightmares are also the most realistic dreams he has. Where Riley becomes hooked on drugs or overdoses by accident at Thugnificent's. Where Granddad dies of old age. Where Riley gets killed doing some dumb shit with Ed and Rummy. He's a realist, but the insanity that keeps his life intact is insanity he's alright with.  



 

  1. Huey and Riley bond over rappers like Immortal Technique.  



 

  1. OutOfTheCloset!Riley AU. Granddad really does move Riley out to the garage. Cut to Huey spending a lot of time there. Apparently, he doesn't like being alone all the time. He likes peace and quiet, and solitude was okay once in a while, but he feels lonely without Riley.  



 

  1. Huey quoting Dune. Hope clouds Observation. I must not fear. Fear is the mindkiller. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past, I will turn my eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.  



 

  1. Typically seen as the vainer of the two brothers, Riley is both amused and irritated by the fact that Huey takes such a long time to style his hair in the bathroom. It's funny because Huey gets mildly defensive about his hair, and it's annoying because "God dammit nigga, I has to use the fucking bathroom to take piss! Get the fuck oooouuut."  



 

  1. At the end of season three, Granddad says that maybe they should move. Well, this time he takes Huey and Riley along to scout the potential locations with him. Springfield, Quahog, Southpark, American Dad, etc...  



 

  1. Jasmine/Cindy, but how? Maybe a mutual appreciation of each others appeal.  



 

  1. Riley takes care of Huey after his arms are broken. It includes threats to doctors, to the medical industry, to the insurance company, to Huey himself, and the community in general. After the first three days, Huey wonders if he'll survive the month, never mind three.  



 

  1. Free-cest AU. Theirs is a love that lives in a glass house with locked doors. The love whose name they dare not speak. People know, but don't talk about it. The boys weren't good at keeping it secret. Granddad seems to be the only one who doesn't know.  



 

  1. Huey treats Riley to the movies, to show him what its like to watch a movie without it being against the law. Riley did not bring a coat because he didn't have to smuggle anything in, he gets cold, and has to snuggle with Huey.  



 

  1. Huey gets a dashiki from the Duboises for his birthday, and he wonders how he's going to get out of wearing it, because Granddad is definitely going to make him wear it at the next Sunday dinner. (Damn Dewey. He's ruined dashikis for Huey. Forever.) Anyway, he's about to suck it up, but then Riley ruins it in the laundry for him. At first he's thankful because Riley did it for him even though he gets a whuping for it, but then laundry duty becomes permanently his. Huey wonders when Riley started playing the long game.  



 

  1. AU. Huey gets vitiligo. Ruckus is pissed. Granddad is amused. Riley doesn't fucking care. It's just a nightmare; He gets woken up by Granddad, who bitches about having to wake Huey up all the time. Couldn't the boy get normal dreams like everyone else? Huey goes to Riley's room to sleep there for comfort. Riley thinks it's the stupidest fucking dream, but lets Huey in anyway. Fluff ensues.



 

  1. AU. Granddad dies in his sleep. Huey and Riley's lives go on. They sleep together for the 1st time a few days later. And become mildly obsessed with keeping each other safe.  



 

  1. Crossover with FMA. Huey learns how to deal with mostly apathetic intelligence like Ed's. Also what it's like to be friends with someone as smart or possibly smarter than he is. Riley learns to deal with kindness backed up by skills that can still kick your ass with Al. Ed meets Roy through Huey though, because Roy is in the military in any universe and , and Al makes friends with people that Ed isn't friends with for the first time In his life through Riley. Winry has belligerent sexual tension with Cindy, and they both find Jasmine adorable. Also, Tom and Roy hang out, and Tom grows a backbone.



 

  1. Crossover with Community. Huey takes some AP courses at a nearby community college. Greendale. He joins the only study group that seems to exist there and sees the dysfunction that seems to populate higher learning. Suddenly, he's in no rush to graduate early. Also, people there (mostly Jeff) are dicks. Except for Britta. She's pretty misguided, but her heart's in the right place. He might give her a few Educational Discussions to straighten her out. Abed is interesting and has good taste in media, and will be a force for good in that area, but that area is a bit too far from Huey's for them to be close friends.  



 

  1. Crossover with House, MD. Huey is sick and no one knows why. The White Shadow makes some calls and gets him to New Jersey to get treated by House. Cynicism overload. But Huey sees the bitterness in House's hopelessness, and it shows Huey what his own giving up could lead him to if he lets it control him. Balance is key. Reality, but with room for growth.  



 

  1. Harry Potter AU. Huey receives a special letter when he turns 11, and finds a whole new world of injustice to fight. Screw the Boy Who Lived, Hogwarts is about to meet The Boy Who Fights for Justice.



 

  1. HP AU. Huey and the Sorting hat. His afro gets in the way, so the hat can't really read his mind. But based on what the hat can feel from where it is, it's glad it can't. Huey announces Hufflepuff on his own, and starts walking to the table before the hat can echo what he said. Riley goes to Slytherin when he gets to hogwarts, because gangsta, Cindy to Griffindor, Jasmine to Ravenclaw.  



 

  1. Crossover with Artemis Fowl. Artemis Fowl hacks into CIA files to see their most wanted list, is interested in meeting one of the kids there. He meets Huey Freeman. Takes place before the first book. They clash ideologies. Artemis is interested in manipulating the existing system, Huey is interested in changing it. They part friends and Artemis tells Huey to ring him up if he ever needs some help, and vice versa. Riley is both impressed by Butler, and feels sorry for him because he's not getting no paper. Granddad hits on Butler's sister, who finds him cute enough not to kick his ass.      



 

  1. Crossover with Calvin and Hobbes. Riley has competition in the neighborhood when it comes to making grotesque snowmen. Calvin finally has a male playmate who's not made of cotton and plastic. and he gets a bitchin' bb gun as a token of friendship. Riley is shown the dopest hiding places in the forest. Huey is happy to see his brother acting like a kid for the first time in a while.  



 

  1. Drugs AU. When they move to California, Riley falls in with some seriously unhealthy people. and gets addicted to crack. What Huey hates is that he sees it coming. He always sees it coming, but he can never stop it.  



 

  1. Drugs AU. Cue Huey detoxing him (think Making Promises by Amy Lane main char Mikhail and his mom) and bringing the family back to Woodcrest. Granddad eventually gets tired of being in a happy haze all the time when he notices that Huey is losing weight and he should have seen it earlier.  



 

  1. Drugs AU. What really gets Riley to quit is that, while Huey was exhausted from taking care of him and from keeping Granddad from finding out that Riley wasn't well, Riley seriously hurt Huey trying to get Huey to tell him where he was keeping the drugs. Huey doesn't talk about the cut that nearly blinded him, and it hasn't even occurred to him to blame Riley for it (it was mostly his fault, he got careless). but every time Riley sees it is a reminder to stay sober. He's still fun,  but he doesn't even smoke weed now, never mind the more hardcore drugs.  



 

  1. Hair AU. Riley is having trouble with his cornrows because his hair is getting a bit long, but he doesn't want to cut it. Huey offers, but Riley is a bit skeptical because Hello, when has Huey ever dealt with braids? But Huey is surprisingly proficient at it, and the rhythmic motion lulls Riley to sleep. He wakes up to perfect rows and a sleeping Huey beside him, so he may never do his own hair again. He offers to do Huey's, and is surprised at how much work an afro actually is. He takes longer than Huey doing it by himself, but Huey doesn't tell him to stop.  



 

  1. Hair AU. Jasmine and Cindy walk in on Huey doing Riley's hair. Much teasing ensues, but the brothers don't stop doing it. Eventually, the girls start coming over regularly to participate in Hair night once a week. Cindy's long hair is both fun and a group effort. Jasmine and Huey's hairs are surprisingly long when wet.  



 

  1. Hair AU. Seeing as how the kids are spending so much time together, Granddad invites Cindy's parents over. They're nice people, but completely ignorant of the fact that Cindy is a future gangbanger. They start coming over for Sunday dinner regularly, and Granddad wonders if he should invest in a bigger table. Because the Duboises and the Wunclers are there too.  



 

  1. AU where they never move to Woodcrest. 14 year old Riley is sneaking into their house after getting injured in a gang fight. Not-retired domestic terrorist Huey patches Riley up, and tells him where to find his body if Huey isn't back by next Tuesday. They share a moment of silence, then go to sleep in the room they still share, the one still filled with guns that stopped firing bb pellets and were loaded with real bullets long ago. Riley's side is neater, but that's because he's rarely there. Huey's side has fewer books. He doesn't really have time to read anymore.  



 

  1. No Woodcrest AU cont. An eavesdropping Granddad wonders what they would be like he had gone through with his plan to move them to an upscale neighborhood. He also wonders if they'll live to gain access to their money, in a trust fund they'll get 10 percent of at 18, 20 at 21, 30 at 30, and 50 at 40. He won't be around much longer, so he wants to make sure they're okay without him.  



 

  1. Crossover with Spooksville. The three reminisce about the places they looked at before settling into Woodcrest. About the time they checked out Spooksville. Riley liked it, Huey was annoyed at the lack of logic, but liked Watch, but Granddad came on to Anne Templeton, who got creeped out, so they had to leave. Well, the five recommended that they leave before Anne turned them into toads. Huey left a number with Watch to keep in touch.



 

  1. Go On AU. Riley is there instead of that other black kid. Huey wasn't in a skiing accident. He got hit by a police baton at a world trade rally, and went into a coma. His brain is, like, gone. And Riley is super pissed that Huey had to fucking care when no one told him to. There's also some angst there because HE'S the one who was supposed to die young. He was the one who played with guns, who hung out with thugs and drug dealers and rappers and assorted criminals. Huey was the one who was going to do great things. Instead he's drooling in some hospital bed.    



 

  1. When weeks after having his bike stolen Riley is still bummed, Huey gives in and steals it back. Riley DID work really hard on it. Huey was going to make it look like Ed got bored and returned it, but Riley catches him at it so Huey just makes him swear to keep it secret. Riley is touched. Oh, and that's gay.  



 

  1. Cindy is a fan of Thugnificent. No one is surprised. She asks Young Rheezi to introduce her, and he does. But while he doesn't want to be polejockin', she definitely does. Riley would be embarrassed, but he and the rest of the crew are too amused watching Thugnificent fail to fend off the attacks of an 8 year old girl. Especially when she's not so much interested in being Thug's bitch as she is in making Thug HER bitch.



 

  1. Thugnificent and Jasmine run into each other. Neither is sure who is more embarrassed over the fact that they have the same hairdo.  



 

  1. FMA AU. Huey and Ed Elric train. Ed kicks Huey's ass, but Huey doesn't mind, because he's seen Ed train with his sensei Izumi, and he knows Ed paid for his skill with blood. Al too. Riley is less gracious, and will pick a fight with Al often to see if he can best him with the element of surprise.



 

  1. Riley gets Huey three-stick nunchuks for his birthday. He didn't even steal them or nothin'.  



 

  1. Go On AU. Riley shares his frustration over the fact that whenever Huey told him that he loved him, Riley just said Nigga, You Gay. He wishes he had said it back at least once.  



 

  1. Huey and Riley share a computer, which is frustrating because Riley keeps turning off the firewall to download shitty porn, and Huey keeps saving boring ass files that eat up all the hard drive space, and Riley can't even delete them because of some geek magic that Huey used.   



 

  1. Riley dyes Huey's hair blonde for April fools day. Huey gets back at him by not giving a fuck.  



 

  1. Huey goes to the maximum security jail he was a hostage at to see how the chief executive officer of the riot committee is doing. Maybe Huey can get him an appeal or something. Or at least get his sentence reduced in lieu of an appeal. But Huey won't be able to do anything for him. Because he's dead. Huey sleeps in Riley's bed that night, and if Riley feels his brother shake with sobs against him, he doesn't say a word. Riley just holds him tighter.  



 

  1. Harvard won't let Huey in because of his domestic terrorist status, and Granddad wants to sue. This feels important, so they hire the best lawyers Granddad's money can buy. Crane, Poole, and Schmidt. Of course Alan gets the case. Huey is comically serious meeting him. Alan's first comment is that Huey reminds him of the girl who can't smile. It's not an auspicious beginning.  



 

  1. Huey is secretly rich. He's damn near prescient and he knows how to play the stock market. But he keeps the money secret so that it stays safe for emergencies.



 

  1. Genderbent AU. Harriet kicks Riley's ass and just smirks (which is the Huey equivalent of laughing out loud) in his face when he implies that he let her win because she's a girl.  



 

  1. Genderbent AU. Huey kicks Rihanna's ass and laughs in her face when she implies that he should take it easy on her because she's a girl.  



 

  1. Harriet and Rihanna eat lunch at school with Jordan and Cyril (Jasmine and Cindy). Harriet is eating something she packed for herself, and Jordan's mom packed him something better. Rihanna and Cyril fight over the best parts of the food they jacked from some other kids.  



 

  1. Cindy McPhearson is CeeMer. Cyril McPhearson is CyPher. Riley/Rihanna is still Young Rheezi.  



 

  1. AU. Granddad comes back from uncle Ruckus' sermon to police in front of his house. Operation Black Steel was not aborted. Huey found a ride. Riley accuses the police of lying when they say that Huey died during the breakout.  



 

  1. Lando moves into the neighborhood after patching things up with his real dad. He still hangs with the Freemans, and Huey is glad that Riley is hanging out with people who are not criminals, failed rappers, pimps, or in the closet celebrities. He gifts lando with a rare smile in thanks, but will deny it to his death.



 

  1. Prison Episode AU. The booty warrior, when Tom runs away, fixates on Riley. Oh shit moment. Huey goes nuts, but it's not enough. Ruckus takes that moment to get everyone else out. Riley struggles, but it's hopeless.  



 

  1. cont'd. When Huey wakes up, Riley is patching him up. They were saved from the booty warrior by the president of the executive riot committee.  



 

  1. cont'd. Huey is thankful, and comes up with a plan to get him out. Without Huey, the riot is a lot less orderly, so there is enough chaos for Huey to get the guy a uniform and sneak him out. The guy is thankful for his second chance.  



 

  1. cont'd. Riley wasn't exactly Scared Straight. He's just more determined to avoid prison.  



 

  1. Huey and Riley just chillin' at Huey's big tree. Riley wants to make out, and since Huey is reasonably sure that no one is coming, he moves them out of eyesight and agrees. He sees the white shadow out of the corner of his eye, but figures it's just his imagination.  



 

  1. The white shadow approaches them to ask whether this is a legit relationship, because if they're just doing it to make him stop watching, it's not going to work. Riley asks Huey why he can see Huey's 'friend'.  



 

  1. Christmas at the Freeman household. Right after it's a Huey Freeman Christmas. It's their first Christmas away from everyone. They usually celebrate it with their neighbors back in Chicago, but they don't know anyone well enough in Woodcrest yet. So this Christmas they have dinner together and sort of just exist in each other's space.    



 

  1. To keep out of the concentration camp for failed athletes, Ming and her family moves to Woodcrest. Things are about to get a lot more Asian.



 

  1. Ceemer clashes with Ming. Huey tries to explain the finer points of feminism while Riley brings popcorn.  



 

  1.  zombie apocalypse AU. Riley gets injured and against his better judgement, Huey leads the rescue mission.    



 

  1. Riley tells Huey what happened on the rooftop with LaMilton. And Huey tells Riley that throwing away that gun was the smartest and bravest thing he's ever done.



 

  1. LaMilton never does bother Riley again, and that's because Huey gets a hold of him. Either Huey beats the fear of justice into him, or Huey just up and kills him.   



 

  1. Huey is refusing to stand in front of The Mirror of Erised. Riley does and claims to see himself on an island of gold, and he is, but he leaves out a very important part. Huey is there and he's not just smiling. He's laughing.



 

  1. Riley as Rapunzel and Huey as Flynn, then vice versa.  



 

  1. Huey is very controlled around everyone. Except Riley. Riley is pleased by this.



 

  1. Riley is proud of Huey and his accomplishments, despite expressing it in the most back handed way possible. Like when he went over to thugnificent's house, he manages to mention that his brother SUCH a loser for reading big heavy books all the time. What a nerd.  



 

  1. When Riley makes it big in the music industry, he wisely gives half of everything he makes to Huey for investing. When the media finds out, he reasons that he's got more than enough left, nigga. And he didn't want to end up like his old friend Thugnificent did back in the day if things go south. An interview with reality tv show star Thugnificent comments that he always knew Riley was one  smart nigga. His brother too, reading all them books and shit. They granddad did on hell of a job. In fact, Thug himself sends a portion of his own money to Huey. "Not much, enough for a porsche or two when he remembers to. Just in case, knaamean?" Reclusive retired domestic terrorist Huey Freeman was unavailable for comment.  



 

  1. Stripper AU. Riley strips for cash. Huey is surprisingly fine with it, but the man acts like a fucking bouncer sometimes. Riley's cool with it; it keeps the dumbasses away. On Huey's end, those public shows are like practice for when they're alone, so he's good.  



 

  1. Zombie AU. Huey gets injured saving Riley. Riley gets mad at Huey for it though. Jasmine gets mad at both of them for not thinking of the rest of them. Greater good, y'all.  



 

  1. Intouchables AU. Huey and Riley go their separate ways after Huey turns 18. Years later, Huey becomes a paraplegic. Riley refuses to feel sorry for him, a la intouchables.  



 

  1. Boston Legal AU. Denny confronts Huey. Denny hired a PI to check Huey out. Huey replies that he's used to being watched, and did they get what they needed? Denny is disconcerted. Huey goes on to say that while he thinks Denny is basically a good person, his views are reprehensible. But there's enough truth to them to make him think and look at himself in a critical light. Plus, he's funny, and thus oddly likeable. Alan, who overhears, feels an odd sense of completely illogical dejavu.  



 

  1. "you always gotta spoil somethin', huh?" In which Riley sees Huey be mean, like REALLY MEAN, and he realizes Huey has been spoiling him and Granddad by being so nice to the two of them.  



 

  1. In which Huey is content to let Riley and Granddad reap the benefits of problems they sow themselves (-ish. He tries to mitigate the damage, but not too hard) and will protect them from damage caused by others.



 

  1. Prison AU. Huey has killed enough time at prison. Time to get  out. Huey remembers his first on the record visit to prison, the one with the riot. And Ruckus' strangely prophetic words.    



 

  1. People think Huey is pretty isolated. But half the words out of his mouth are some variation of "Are you okay?" Which shows some concern for others. He wonders if anyone has asked him if HE'S okay in the past year.  



 

  1. Artemis Fowl AU. Artemis wants to steal something from the American government, and needs someone on the inside. Huey's being watched too closely. What he CAN do is refer Artemis to someone. And make some noise to divert attention.  Artemis thanks Huey. He reports back that he gets it and plans to send Huey a thank you gift.  



 

  1. Matrix AU. Huey is offered the red pill or the blue pill. He chooses neither, because neither exists. He chooses the third pill that he creates from nothing. Then he suddenly achieves enlightenment and becomes, like, the oracle or the matrix itself. Or something.



 

  1. Artemis Fowl AU. Artemis sends over some fairy tech to thank Huey, via Butler. Huey has some words with Butler about what Huey perceives as some sort of indentured service, or slavery. Huey is pleased with the tech, and confused by the conversation.  



 

  1. Math AU. Riley turns out to be an actual mathematical genius. So the government comes for him. But Riley doesn't want to go, so he and Huey go on the run.



 

  1. Math AU. Riley gives up and goes to the government for the money, despite Huey telling him not to. So when some time passes with no word, Huey goes to rescue him. But they did some stuff, now Riley is damaged, a la Firefly.



 

  1. Phobia AU. Huey and Riley get tied up for some reason, and while Riley is pissed, Huey goes completely quiet, which means he's panicking and scared. Apparently, he's got a phobia. Riley tries to comfort him.  



 

  1. Phobia AU. It's been hours and Huey's hyperventilating. Riley gives in and just knocks Huey out.  



 

  1. Phobia AU. They're free now and Riley doesn't ask about it.  



 

  1. Phobia AU. Huey brings up the incident, the death of their parents. At least the fact that he was there. Huey tells Riley that their father not only hung himself, he had somehow tied his hands together to prevent himself from backing out. Huey had come home, and seen their father struggling against his tied hands. Huey couldn't get him down in time.  



 

  1. Phobia AU. Take two. Riley brings it up, and Huey admits his phobia. He hates it. It's not rational. Riley offers to help, but Riley can't really think of any way to help. Huey thanks him anyway.  



 

  1. Phobia AU. A long time after, Riley gives Huey a bondage book.  



 

  1. Phobia AU. Riley cures Huey's phobia with sex? Well, not really, but Huey appreciates that he has other memories connected to being bound.  



 

  1. Huey gives Riley some paint and giant canvasses for his birthday. Riley is pleased.



 

  1. Artemis Fowl AU. Artemis comes over for tea, sees Riley's painting hanging in the living room. He asks who made it. It's raw, but it had potential. Huey offers it as a gift, in exchange for the fairytech. Artemis buys it instead. Huey doesn't tell Riley.  



 

  1. Artemis Fowl AU. Butler, who hung with Riley while Huey and Artemis were chitchatting, thinks how Riley seems like some sort of hybrid between Artemis' aurum est potestas mentality coupled with Juliet's enthusiasm and love for pop culture. At least, the areas that seem most related to their interests. See, he's met types like Huey before, the way Artemis gets around. They do great things or live short lives. Sometimes both. Riley's sort of a wild card, and Butler's curious as to where he'll end up.  



 

  1. Artemis Fowl AU. As the fowls leave, Huey puts back all the government listening devices that he had to remove before they got there. Except the one in his room. The white shadow understands.  



 

  1. Alive Luna AU. In which Luna does not kill herself. She moves in to Woodcrest. The Freemans are cool with it.  



 

  1. Alive Luna AU. She teaches Huey martial arts sometimes.



 

  1. Alive Luna AU. Luna starts dating Rummy. It's a collective oh shit for the community, except Huey.



 

  1. Gangstalicious, comes out to Riley. It's a powerful moment.  



 

  1. Licious goes back home with Riley to talk it out. Granddad bitches about how did his home suddenly become some kind of haven for gay-ass niggas. Huey drops some deep shit on Granddad while Riley is changing.  



 

  1. Licious comes out to the public with Huey as a PR man. He's got a lot more haters, but his sales have never been higher. Huey doesn't have the heart to tell him that it's partly because hate groups buy his albums to burn.  



 

  1. When granddad started smoking weed, Huey actually thought he was dying.  



 

  1. In which Tom thinks bongo is a euphemism for masturbating.   



 

  1. Huey attempts to take Riley out on a date, take him out to eat, stuff like that. Riley attempts to eat and run. He is shocked when Huey intimates that he planned on paying the entire time. Then Riley is angry that, what, HE'S the ho in this equation? Huey flashes back on his conversation with Riley about women and hos and dinner and groceries. He tries to explain, but it's too late. Riley stomps off, muttering about how he's going to show Huey who's the girl in this relationship. Huey realizes he just had dinner with Riley, and they're about to have sex, and, you know what? He's going to put this night in the win column.  



 

  1. Huey and Riley have a conversation about topping. Riley insists that he tops because he's definitely not the girl in this relationship. Huey questions why being the 'girl' is undesirable, and points out that the point of being in a homosexual relationship with another man is that neither of you is 'the girl'. Riley just goes, whatever nigga, you gay. Huey wonders if he's too young to be taking migraine medication on a regular basis.



 

  1. Huey is reading at his tree. Then Jazmine and Cindy come. They make out for a bit. Then Jasmine accidentally burps into Cindy's mouth. Jaz is completely embarrassed and kind of looks like she wants to die. Cindy just laughs it off. You're so cute, Jaz. Then Cindy's cap is blown off. While she chases it, Huey takes a moment to tell Jazmine to never let her go.  



 

  1. Jaz and Cin go to a carnival. Cindy proceeds to win Jaz a whole bunch of stuffed toys. Not to be outdone, Riley proceeds to win a whole crap load of stuffed toys too. While Jaz is very happy, Huey is less so. The booth minder comments to Huey that his brother and his girlfriend sure are competitive. Huey doesn't correct him. Riley ends up winning. Cindy is unhappy, but made less so by Jazmine's obvious appreciation.  



 

  1. Huey donates all the crap he got from Riley. Riley expected him to trash them all, so he's cool with it. Granddad is proud of Huey, but refuses to shell out a dime. Well, a dime more than ten bucks for postage. Huey just shrugs. It's something.  



 

  1. Riley finds the first one he won for Huey (before Cindy came along and turned the whole thing into a competition) hidden in Huey's stuff while looking for a pair of scissors. He's touched.  



 

  1. Riley and C-mer are playing a game of b-ball, when Cindy casually asks how long he's been banging his bro. Riley replies "about as long as you've been banging Jazmine" and then proceeds to shoot nothing but net. He gloats, claims Cindy sucks. He throws the ball to Cindy and they start a new game.



 

  1. Huey is learning Russian at his tree. Jasmine comes along with a book of her own. She looks at his book then sits down beside him, they read together mostly in silence. Jasmine asks questions and makes comments once in a while. Eventually it gets too dark to read. They walk back together, Jazmine tells Huey it's nice that he's learning another language. Soon he'll be able to be completely silent in Russian. Huey replies in russian (vek zhivi--vek uchis') and waves as they separate to go to their respective houses. (Huey actually said "live for a century, learn for a century.")  



 

  1. FMA AU. Ed calls Huey 'Freeman' and Huey calls Ed 'Elric'. Jazmine asks why. They're friends, aren't they, shouldn't they be on first name basis by now? They both shrug.  



 

  1. FMA AU. Ed comes over to hang out, and gets into an argument with Huey about the nature of knowledge and its role in society. Huey is all, you can interpret the world all you like, the point is to change it, and Ed is all, like, hell no, absolute truth is the end goal. Huey is all like, good luck with that, you can't even know where a fucking electron is without disturbing its speed, how can you still be an objectivist, Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle-- but then Ed cuts him off, and is like, I KNEW you were going to bring that up (like its a sore point) and stomps out of the house. Riley and Al, who were watching sweatdrop. Riley says something about nerds gone wild and wonders when his house became infested with geeks. Al points out that nerds and geeks aren't the same thing, and shares that Ed already had this arguement with Roy and that he lost there too. Ed pops in just to say "and its Heisenberg's Indeterminability Principle you ignorant motherfucker" and slams back out. Al just sighs and asks if Riley wants to go play basketball or something.



 

  1. FMA AU. Everyone comes over to help build a large porch behind the Freeman house one Saturday because Sunday dinners are getting kind of cramped.  



 

  1. FMA AU. Ed and Al are apparently also carpentry geniuses and they do most of the work. Roy and Huey are pretty handy too and help out a lot. Ruckus helps, but mostly he uses this opportunity to point out the superior carpentry of two little white children to a nigger and a chink. Huey is used to Ruckus, but is surprised that Roy is taking it so well.  



 

  1. FMA AU. Granddad gets to know Tricia, who is just lovely, and complains that his boys are mess, how did she raise such angels. Tricia promises to invite him over one of these days to show him what he's missing out on. (Granddad will thank his lucky stars for Huey and Riley after.)  



 

  1. FMA AU. Tom gets to know the Mcphearsons. They ask a lot of uncomfortable questions about black people, but they're very nice.  



 

  1. Kumite AU. Riley accepts for him, and it goes about as well as expected. Granddad comes along and does nothing but bitch about the incidental fees. Riley keeps pissing off his opponents and making threats and promises that will be up to Huey to fulfill in the ring.  



 

  1. House AU. Also House figures out he's sleeping with his brother pretty quickly, but keeps his mouth shut about it, so he's not all bad (in Huey's POV).  



 

  1. House AU. Riley wants to kick him in the nuts, but claims he don't mess with the handicapped like Granddad.  



 

  1. House AU. Wilson is charmed by their particular brand of dysfunction.  



 

  1. House AU. Foreman actually enjoys talking to the patient for once, and Riley really loves messing with Chase and hitting on Cameron.  



 

  1. Everworld AU. Riley, Huey, Jaz, C-mer, and Ming are hanging out at the park. Then a huge wolf comes to take Huey. WTE.  



 

  1. FMA AU. Ed3 mistakes Ed and Al for girls.  They hair is girly, so they must be girls! Al is annoyed enough to let Ed do what he wants, which involves beating the living crap out of Ed3. Riley is amused to see someone else being beat up by an Elric for once, and Huey asks Rummy if this happened often with Ed3. He says ALL THE FUCKING TIME.  



 

  1. FMA Luna AU. Luna runs into Izumi at grocery store. Now there's no grocery store, but they're friends.  



 

  1. FMA AU. Huey comes over to Ed's house and the library is huge. Now he's always there.  



 

  1. FMA AU. While they're all at the Elrics, Tricia suggests that she measure their heights. There is an arguement whether Huey's hair counts. Ed argues that if does then someone should stretch HIS hair up and measure that. Other arguements ensue. Tricia regrets everything.  



 

  1. FMA AU. Huey is curious about Roy, and wonders why a grown man is hanging around the Elrics so much. Before he gets started on an investigation, the White Shadow comes to tell Huey to not ask questions he won't like the answer to.  



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got attached to some AUs and Crossovers :P
> 
> I know Crossovers have a bad rep, but I love them XD


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